Why “Why?” Supersedes “What?” Every Time

Any of us can rush to a victory formation in the counseling room, without even touching a football! If a young man struggling with pornography, after joining a support group, finding an accountability partner, and filling his idle time with scripture memorization, no longer entertains pornography, we call that a win. No longer enslaved to this visual media, this young man can announce that he is free of such bondage and thus a victor over his sin. But is this really accurate? Assuming he sincerely does not return to this dominating transgression, has he honestly triumphed? Maybe, maybe not.

If he has not confronted the desire that resides under his sin, he has not prevailed. James 1:15 announces this revelatory truth: “Then, when sin has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” Behind sin lies a desire, a motive. If we do not address this affection, we have stopped short of effective biblical counseling and not truly identified the ultimate issue.

Looking Deeper

To help us think about this underlying desire, it is important to consider several possible motives in this man’s pornography.

If fueled by control, he can supply himself on demand when he wants it, where he wants it, and even with who he wants it.

If motivated by convenience, he will avoid any obstacles toward having sexual relations with his wife by getting what he wants without any hassle.

If driven by acceptance, he avoids possible rejection and disinterest by his spouse. Instead, he will not be denied by pornography, which is always available and never says no.

If dominated by sheer pleasure, he delights in pleasing himself in the temporary satisfaction of this indulgence in pornography.

Different desires may be at play in this man’s sin and if he has not identified that desire, though he may not presently engage in pornography, he may have pivoted to some other vice in order to satisfy his desire. To the world and even the church, this nan appears triumphant over pornography, yet before God he has not uprooted his selfish desire and though seemingly experiencing a short season of victory will sadly, most likely, soon return to his folly, just as a dog returns to his own vomit (Proverbs 26:11).

A Case Study

God addresses this “inner culprit” of desire when He confronts the first son (Cain) in the Bible before he attempts to murder the second son (Abel) in the Bible. In Genesis 4, God speaks to Cain about his anger with Abel:

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (4:7)

At the root of Cain’s anger is a desire that yearns for the praise of man. This longing for acceptance provokes him to murder his brother, a reality the Bible succinctly addresses in a very specific order:

“You lust … You murder” (James 4:2).

“Lust” (same word for “desire” in James 1:15) precedes murder. The action follows the motive. Until we lean deeper into the heart and expose the desires that rule our heart, we simply have not reached far enough, and our counseling simply falls short.

Sadly, individuals throughout the Bible engaged in this struggle with ruling desires (e.g. Abraham with fear of man in Genesis 12; Sarah with control over man in Genesis 16; Lot with peace from man in Genesis 19).

A Classic Study

Even more incredibly, the most diabolical one ever sought to attack the most righteous One ever at this heart level. Having successfully tempted the first Adam in the garden, now Satan seeks to do so with the second Adam after forty days in the wilderness.

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry. Now when the tempter came to Him” (Matthew 4:1-3a).

The human need of our Lord should be obvious. He fasted forty days and forty nights and “afterward He was hungry.” Though 100% divinity, Jesus also exists as 100% humanity and thus He is hungry.

Notice the deeper focus of Satan against Jesus. “If You are the Son the God, command that these stones become bread” (4:3b).

Food is a basic human need, and our Lord has been without it for forty days. It is not wrong to feed yourself, but the focus of Satan is not really upon the bread, but upon why Jesus would want the bread.

Satan: “Jesus, take control of your surroundings and turn these stones into bread. Go ahead, do it. You know You want to. You know You are able to.”

Satan appeals to the desire for control, in order to tempt Jesus to perform a miracle, one that would provide Jesus what He wants, but would conflict with the plan of His Father at this very moment. His Father watches over Him; His Father sent Him; His Father will provide for Him. But Satan wants Jesus to usurp His Father and act on His own volition, to take control of His situation as the Son of God even though God the Father has absolute control of this situation.

A Relentless Adversary

But there’s more!

Satan: “Jesus, comfort Yourself. You are severely hungered. Delight Yourself in the here and now, in these stones You can turn into bread.

Satan appeals to the desire of pleasure to tempt Jesus to comfort Himself right now. No need to wait for the Father when You can provide for it Yourself immediately. Isn’t that a desire many of us have; to want it now, right now? To not wait; after all, what benefit is there to waiting?

While there is no beatitude that says: “Blessed are those who wait,” there is a beatitude that asserts: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matthew 5:6). So also, there are multiple calls to wait upon the Lord (Psalms 27:14; 37:9,34; Isaiah 8:17; 40:31). Satan wants Jesus to pursue His comfort now, yet if we glance to the end of this narrative in 4:11, we read:

“Then the devil left Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.”

The Desire of Christ

The plan of God is to comfort His Son at the conclusion of this devilish encounter. With this plan, Jesus agrees and thus, does not usurp His Father as He submits Himself to the Father’s business.

Two more temptations follow in an appeal to selfish desires of the heart and yet, Jesus responds rightly each time, affirming His missional statement:

“for I always do those things that please Him.” (John 8:29)

We must be cautious to make the primary focus of our counseling and conclude our counseling on the “What;” instead, we must aim for the “Why?” Anything less will be inadequate.

May we challenge our counselees with the desire to please God (2 Corinthians 5:9; Galatians 1:10; Philippians 4:18; Colossians 1:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:4). This motive supersedes all others.

Further Reflection

1. Why is it possible to fall into a trap that if our counselee is no longer practicing his sin, he has gained victory over it?

• Most counseling tends to fixate on the behavior, not the motive. Why is this dangerous to our counselee?

• How might a case study of the temptation of Jesus challenge and encourage our counselee? Not only did Jesus respond to each temptation with scripture, He also obeyed the scripture.